Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
