Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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