so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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