I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
