watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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