NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize