I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
