The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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