i need an iv and a liver transplant
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
