i may or may not be watching the land before time
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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