i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
