i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
