covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
