I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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