home. puking in laundry basket.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
