looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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