last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
