just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
