around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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