shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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