What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
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