what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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