I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
