you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
