Kiss
Puke
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
