The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
