I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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