drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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