I wanna bring you to show and tell
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
