I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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