You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
