just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
