I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
