I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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