i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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