The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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