I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
