I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
