apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You don't make any sense
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