Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
