for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize