i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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