i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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