the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
