guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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