And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
