I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
