Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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