When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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