I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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