everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
