i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
