i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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