Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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