Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
how drunk are you?
Several
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
