Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
