I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
