weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
