The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We got so high we made milksteak
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
a search helicopter?!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
why is half of my head shaved?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
