i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
