Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize