How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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