Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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