You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
