I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
