I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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