he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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