are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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