I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
