my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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