Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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