Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
