he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
