i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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