She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
