1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize