I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
