seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He passed out mid-signature
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
