Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
