I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
