I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
