I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
