i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
