I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
