Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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