so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
