that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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