It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
