i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
should my penis look like a turkey
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We smell like vodka and hangover
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
