The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
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