its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
