eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
