I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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