pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
