I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize