and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
